Oh where is my beauty???

Well, finally!!
After weeks, I am posting. I have been deeply involved in school, newborns and more.

Lately, I have had my beloved Papaw on my mind. Last week was the anniversary of his death. A miserable lung cancer tried to take him. It was painful and literally shriveled him to a weak 65 or so lbs, before he went to 'SHINE" with our Lord. The two most powerful things he ever said to me, were just as his cancer was being discovered, and the days before his death. In life and in death, he had wisdom enough to impact a young girl into adulthood. That wisdom will now be shared with people as long as I can share it (most importantly now, with my own daughter.)

As a young teenager, Papaw was visiting our Tennessee home from Ohio. He complained of shoulder pain during that visit. I am sorry to say, I can't remember if his cancer was discovered right before, or just after that visit; but I have always associated his pain and this visit, with the beginning of his difficult journey. During that visit, my Papaw and I sat alone together on the couch one afternoon. Nothing much going on; we were just "hangin' out" Then, out of nowhere, Papaw said "Mary, you have always been a beautiful girl; but I want you to remember, that your real beauty comes from the inside." Nothing more was ever said on the subject, but I have never forgotten the impact of those words. I am convinced that the Lord used him that day, to minister to me and I want you to know why... I am, and have always been concerned about how I look. I never feel pretty, by my shape or appearance. I am self-conscious and feel inferior. How sad our Lord must feel by that - what a slap in His face that must be. I am ashamed to admit it, but I have to, because you need to know I am real and I have real "human" issues like the rest of the world. With this lack of esteem, I always have my Papaw's words close by. They have always pulled me back into "check" so to speak, until I could mature enough to seek the words from another father, my GOD!!! They were His words!! Trouble is, I wasn't reading His words, enough, so I believe with my whole heart that He used his faithful servant, my Papaw, to share them with me.

1Peter 3:3,4 NIV
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God's sight."


On the days before his death, Papaw spoke alone with my cousin Lori and with me. He said we were his oldest two grandchildren, and it was up to us to set the example for the others. What example? God's example of course. We are in this world, not of this world; we are called to be set apart. Did I succeed in setting this example? NO! NO! NO! I really let him down on that one. Once again God use my grandpa. He gave me a very human and real example of a man asking his descendants to set a good example and do the right thing for goodness' sake. I have failed him miserably; I have failed my Lord God. These are His words. To be set apart. To lead by example.

Thank goodness we serve a Good and Loving God, full of incessant merciful forgiveness. Though I stumble through life always battling the flesh in one way or the other. He continues to think me special enough to get His message to me through His word. And, If I am not obedient enough to be in His word, He still lovingly sends me his message through his faithful servants - those with pure hearts through which His love and Word can flow. "Thank you, Papaw for being faithful to our Lord, and for your wisdom; and for your willingness to be used by God, to minister to me.: