A Window, Mirror, Tree and Me

Awake at 4:00am;  and four images: a window, a mirror, a tree and my reflection – all in different combinations - are racing through my mind.  I was trying to come up with a title for my blog post, and these were the images and words I kept seeing. Looking in a mirror and seeing a tree stayed  throughout my racing thoughts.   I also saw an image of myself looking through a window and looking into a mirror – side by side panels.  My mind continued to wander; and, I have never been more okay with a wandering mind. I have also never been more okay with the mirror (thankfully this mirror is inward.)
I tried next to mentally recapture the events of the last few days.  Have you ever had one of those experiences that was so exhilarating you would repeatedly try to relive each delicious word and moment in your mind? 

It's too late to go back to sleep and too early to get up. My husband needs every second of sleep he can get. There is a sleeping child on the floor near our bed. And my mind is just "roller coasting" over the last few days, then months and finally years. I realized I had been on a journey. Evidently I was growing upon my father's vine, but not before He had me more deeply rooted. So, I journeyed to a tree. Being a southern girl, it is not uncommon to drive along side beautiful lush trees with vines and vegetation growing right along or upon them. My means of transportation is the vine, and my route appears to be somewhat rough. There are broken branches, splinters and bark that interferes with a smooth travel. Let's be real, it is rough and painful. The splinters prick and the bark scrapes, as the vine moves onward and upward. Part of the way up, there is a change in the layout of the branches; and I have to hold on tightly as the vine rolls and coils and reroutes itself to remain connected.   As I continue my dream, daydream, fantastical imagining, I am swooning as the gentle breath of the wind reminds me the tree can sway.  Still it is rooted and not falling, even though I fall along the way.  I dust off and climb...cling even tighter to that vine.

Why all the racing thoughts? I've had one of those “moments;” that moment when you have encountered an unquestionable message from the Lord!  I don't know why we always say “I think, it was God, I'm trying to discern that now.”   I say that all the time and pray for God to confirm. Then I have one of these experiences, that I believe without doubt is the Lord above speaking directly to me. It is all-powerfull, will stop you in your tracks and render you awestruck!  It was the beginning of four recent gifts.
 

My first gift came when I was talking with a friend Thursday.   I thank God for her as a vessel through which God moves, and His love flows.  She listens without judging; and welcomes you, with all your nonsense, into her world as a friend.   I was discussing with her some concerns I had over recent days.  I am concerned about how our children are influenced; and how we can protect them from, or possibly control, their surroundings/influences.  How are we supposed to maintain enough control so our kids get all God has for them in their worship, at school and in the world?  We've actually had this conversation, in bits and pieces, off and on for several months.  However, this one the most intense as I ranted and she listened.   At points, she protected the innocent; other times she would say “that's true.”   I would share my love for a friend and she would just almost sing about her love for that same friend. This is where we would share a common love...then I took us right back to my deep heartfelt concern for our family, our spirituality, our church, our community and nation – what God wants for us...How in the world will our children have a chance with all they are exposed to...how How HOW????

"That's where you come in, Mary"

 

Sweetest firmest voice, spoken with grace and total authority. I knew who it was, and what it meant immediately - Whoa Nellie...
 

Okay STOP – Hold the phone!! Are you kidding me? I tell my friend stop, I just heard God speak, I'm freaking out. Has that ever happened to you? We are talking along, ranting along and in mid-sentence – those words “That's where you come in Mary.”   Then I got total insight. He gave me his children to raise/train up. We dedicated them back to Him. How dare I place the rise or fall of their future onto the world, or community, schools- or- church.   He sent them to my husband and me. It is our job, as their parents, to guide them as all the influences come and go. We nurture our babies and train them up, to understand the word of the Lord as a Lamp unto their feet and a light unto their paths. We pray a hedge of protection over them and around our family.   When influences seem negative, that's where I come in...to help the children pray, read and seek the face of the living God to discern his purpose for them. To pray His will be done in their lives. This gives them strength as individuals and as children of God.

Well I hung up from my friend and began pacing, praising God, and trying to figure out how to apologize to my friend for having to be on the receiving end of my tirade. She has no idea how deep the impact her meek and merciful spirit has on me. It's so funny to imagine me wrestling with the Holy Spirit, but try to picture me saying we are to see that Gods commands are kept, what if we are leading our children astray. And she is saying love the innocent and forgive the sinners....and I am saying, I am not judging the sinners and I do love the innocent, but we must hold ourselves accountable to God for our roles as parents, leaders, friends and church family . How can we trust that our children won't get led astray?? Finally God steps in and says HELLLOO DON'T YOU GET IT. THAT IS YOUR JOB NOT ANYONE ELSE'S!! ALL THE TIME YOU ARE SPENDING ON THIS CONVERSATION IS FUTILE. He continues – in my mind-to inform me that he tried to get my attention with the wise and humble words of his good and faithful servant, but I was so busy making my point, I missed the only point that mattered.   If I spend my time arguing or ranting about what is right or wrong or how deeply devoted I am to the Godly upbringing of my children; I am losing time with them – duh! Therefore, by default, they are left unattended and influenced by the world, their community, friends. They will remember me as Mama who loved us so much. She should have been a lawyer – no one could ever win against her. My son once said, mom you should be a lawyer or judge.  You can get to the truth and know exactly what is going on all the time. Well, I thought that was funny at the time. But, now not so much. He knows I'm good at watching, speculating and cross-examining. This takes me to Sunday morning – yep, another gift.

Gift two. It's time to get up on Sunday for church. Soooo sleepy, then I remembered that our Pastor Emeritus would be speaking at a sister church near our home today. “Honey, we can sleep in,” I said. “We are going to hear Pastor this afternoon.” Well, that was all he needed, and he turned his happy self over to go right back to sleep.   The children had wandered into our room, and were piled on the floor around our bed (yes we let them, and yes we have pillows and blankets to make it comfortable just in case.) Now, if we were going to get up any other Sunday, those kids would be unconscious that we would have to hoist them into upright positions. But not this Sunday, oh nooo...   we told them no noise and lay quiet while we all rest in. Do you honestly think for a moment that worked?   They whispered, and tried not to giggle. I tried to be tough and keep them under my orderly control. HaHaHa. The harder I was on them, the harder they tried to contain themselves; the worse it was until it became too much for any of us - and the laughter erupted!  One son was under my tickle monster attack by the window, and the other was captured by the long muscular limb (branch,) I like to call my husband's arm. Our daughter had run out...she knew what was coming. Even typing now, I am smiling, as I relive every moment and every snicker. My cheeks ache. Finally, my husband decided to make pancakes; and we got got up to make plans for our morning.  We should have plenty of time before our afternoon church service. I check my phone messages.  A buddy of Lonnie's had messaged that he needs some help after church – which would be the time of our afternoon service. I shared the message and he said with a laugh "well, I guess we aren't going."  We had put our whole day on the chance to worship in the afternoon as if that were the only chance...then we realized– those crazy kids- got up at 6:15!!! We have plenty of time to get ready and be there for Sunday school and the second service. Satan told Lonnie what about the pancakes, you have the burner on and the batter mixed – that will go to waste. We'll have them for Supper! Well, there you go!! Kids get ready and lets go to morning church! And, off we all scurried to get ourselves shined up for the Son:)

The morning is almost too easy.  It is mind-blowing to have an entire family up before 7 am., laughing and working together, and going back and forth between early church, afternoon church, no early church - and no one flustered!  This feels good and I think it is a gift. “This is where you come in, Mary” The joy of the home is dependent on me. The flow and ease, in times of confusion and transition, is based upon my temperature (temper?) When my husband emerged from his morning shower, I shared, word I received from God. I shared with him that the world is not my concern. Yes, we have rules and I understand that. Yes, our God is a God of details and order (I'll have more on this in a bit,) but at this time in my life, as a wife and mother, I can't get so lost in the details that I miss the point.  That I miss a very special message.   I shared with my husband the freedom I feel in realizing Gods message.  God's word is perfect; and I am entrusted with his children to study it, and to hide these jewels in our hearts. It is my job to tell the good news...not to worry about whether they are getting it right or not.  A Pastor mentioned recently their relationship with God and the Holy Spirit is between them.  Once we've made the introductions, He can take it from there.  I get that we have to be accountable to each other. But I submit an idea to you that if I am focusing every minute (figurative, not literal) on if we are, and how we are accountable to each other, – what will my own account be to God? Sometimes we just get a little too preoccupied with the business of church that we cannot be the "Church."  The same  applies to my children. My babies need me to love them every second of the day. Well of course, I do!! But do they know this and feel this and see this in my face?? I want to spend my time on the kids and my husband; and together with them, celebrate Jesus. I can't do that if I am on the phone or in a meeting trying to figure out if we are steadfast, running away with the world or just folding under all the pressure.  I was delighted on Sunday morning to be telling him, I think we should back off our concerns, and focus on God alone and our personal relationship with him.  At that very moment I saw a splinter and some bark. What? The splinter and plank thing?? Oh no no no!! I am not judging – NO! We just want the very best for our family, our children our friends...we are trying to discern what is right and how we are to serve. Enter - the next gift in my experience; or event, as it has become by now.

Gift 3 - I don't have words to express the magnitude of Glory and worship experienced in that service when we got there; and were so joyful in our worship.  We knew beyond doubt that God had orchestrated our entire morning...because he had more – from my Thursday experience – to come.

The worship was so powerful that it spilled into the sermon. During prayer and praise;  while singing, families friends and hurting aching hearts flocked to the alter to lay prostrate before the Glory of God... some to plead for healing, others perhaps for release. I think our family was celebrating a freedom.  Due to the presence of the Holy Spirit and our absolute corporate desire to bask in that Glory, the sermon was brief and -  guess one of the points was??  God stepping in to to take over when we don't seem to be getting the message. Remember my phone call? I was not hearing the message, so he had to finally take control and say "Get this young lady (yes I said young,) it is not another person's  job to raise your children, or  to ensure they are living a God fearing holy sanctified life. I sent these kids to you.   Moreover, I sent my child to you, my only child. I let my child die for you so that you could live, and your children could live.  Now this is where you come in Mary!  Share this abundant love with your children, guide them, lead them to the cross, love them through mistakes and forgive them over and over again like you are forgiven.  Show, through your life, that I wants to forgive sins and mistakes. I want your lives to be so transformed that you don't make the same mistakes over and over again. But,  I love you regardless!"

I remember when we were riding home, my husband and I both agreed that was total confirmation of the word I received Thursday and conviction I felt . Don't be fooled by the the surface shine -  all this happy happy spiritual beauty doesn't last without interruption. Before we got out of the building, I was scolding one child for his behavior in a class and by the time we were home I was barking at another child for not listening in the car. Then, just as I was about to howl, I got a reflection of myself only an hour ago – arms lifted high tears streaming down my face. I am genuinely loving and praising God and basking in his Glorious presence – all the while, this same child is clinging lovingly to my hand with both of his - almost as if he was assisting me in my brokenness. He doesn't entirely know the depths of that visitation, but he sees his mother singing crying and he holds me. What did I give my child in return? Judgment.

The final gift on this first leg of my journey was about midpoint Monday afternoon. I asked a precious long distance friend to pray for me, while I try to figure out how to share my transparency with you. Things kept happening to delay my work; then I saw a blog by a Pastor friend, about a tree – yep – what do you think about that. You can read his blog at HTTP://danielbell.wordpress.com/2012/04/19/fallen-beauty/

I am happy I waited because his words are significant. Every tree moves and some trees fall, but the beauty that comes out when we are pressed, carved and cleaned up is unique and brilliant.

 I am thankful I serve a God who forgives, and finds beauty in the fallen; even in my splinters, and planks, and broken branches. But I shall study and pray even harder and set these roots even deeper until I can continue growing closer to our Lord. Perhaps, in every mistake/fall, I shall see the absolute divine Glory of the Lord, from whom magnificence is formed. I pray that I will, one day, cast and shadow this beauty upon my friends and family...a beauty  out from within, that shines even on a cloudy day.
 

Now, I am back to the four images this morning; the mirror, the tree, a window and me.  As I've written, I see a large mirror and I'm looking at myself.  The left side is the window pane .  The tree is in the background; and it's majestic branches spread out in both the window and the mirror.

This post was written a few years ago.  I've remembered it often in recent weeks, and hope it blesses someone. 

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